Once upon a time there was a happy girl. This girl was blissfully ignorant of bad paintings, dirty floors, and horrid small talk. . . . .
I think the above pretty much sums it up purty well, but I’ll hammer the nail in a bit more.
See there is this life-ending thing, it is very very dangerous - highly volatile (or at least highly mind dulling).
It has been dubbed, “Small Talk”. *shudders and shrinks at the mention of it*
It has ended many lives, trust me, I’m edumacated.
I will henceforth give you a few ways that make Small Talk so...life-ending:
1. It is pointless (well, except for getting to know some small probably unimportant facts),
If it doesn’t kill you by it’s pointlessness, it’ll get ya with it’s boringness (EXAMPLE:
[Small talk]: “So, the weather has been nice lately” -
[You]: “yes it has been.”
[Small talk]: “it rained once two weeks ago” -
[You]: “It sure did” [ *dies from boredom*] )
2. Small talk is so awkward most of the time that your mind should explode from the awkwardness of it (EXAMPLE:
[Small talk]: “so…...hows…...life?” -
[you]: “...great…..doing great.”
[Small talk]: “good to hear good to hear…..um…..hows….your…... dog doing?” -
[You]: “he’s uh….standing right in front of you….”
[Small talk]: “oh, right….uuhh, hows… your …..cat?”
[You]: *mind explodes*)
3. If you SOMEHOW avoid dying from the three previous ways, you shall certainly die from the fact that most small talk is a no-brainer, seriously, it’s always same old questions and subjects, always just said to fill in the terrible nail-biting silence. “How’s the wife doing?” “The weather sure has been nice” “think it’ll rain soon?” “saw a smidget of a grey cloud way off in the horizon...maybe it’ll rain in a few months” - (I live in Texas okay, what do you expect?)
A fourth reason/way is a sUpEr important thing, aka very deadly: ……………………………….
I’m terrible at it.
Seriously guys, first of all, if you got to meet me in person, in REAL life, expect me to stand in a dark corner and say nothing. If you’re lucky I will give you a “hello” SMILE, if you are SUUUUPER lucky, you’ll get me to mutter a nearly incomprehensible “hi/hello”.
IF you are not smart, you will try to talk to me - HAH! - you will regret that decision SO bad! Especially if you try out small talk on me - I am the dOOm of small talk.
[YOU]: “So, what sort of things do you like to do for fun?”
[ME]: Inside: WHAT? I have F U N? What that? -
Me Outloud: “mhm, *shrugs*”
ME Inside: *brain-that-I-didn't-know-I-had turns on and starts making a list* reading, writing, mindlessly scrolling blog posts, watching movies, staring off into the void… reading some more…. [but by now it’s been too long since the question was asked to answer]
[Me]: “what do YOU do for fun?” (because I mean, it would be rude not to ask the same EXACT question right?)
[YOU]: “oh, I do sports, and photography, I’m also a super successful camp leader, I paint and dabble in some pottery stuff every now and then.”
YOU inside: does this girl sit and stare at a wall all day or what!? (Disclaimer: I think my wall staring is a highly enjoyable activity - thank you very much!)
Me Inside: Well someone rehearsed before coming!
YOU: “What’s your favorite thing to eat? “
ME inside: seriously! This question again? How am I supposed to answer THAT? I like ALLLLL GOOOOD food. I can’t just say one thing! I like them all pretty equally - I like chicken, hamburgers, roast, chicken fried chicken, chicken fried steaks, chicken fried anything, icecream, chocolate, pizza, apples, strawberries, words, and MORE.
ME outloud: “I don’t know…*shrugs*...we, eat a lot of sandwiches….” (well done me, well done)
I will spare you from anymore examples...I think you’ve got the point.
The only way you can have a successful small talk, is to
1. Have both your answers previously planned (I suggest meeting before hand so you can be clear on the questions that will be used),
2. Don’t try to use small talk on ME.
….oh, and I guess you could also have a successful conversation if you speak to someone who will blurt out the answer that comes to their brain instead of shrugging and making incomprehensible noises.
Small talk just feels like you're being interrogated, doesn't it?
EXAMPLE (yes I know, I said no more examples, but just ONE more - okay? Bear with me): Small talk is all like, “Open up your brain and tell me things about yourself… ROAR.”
Actually, come to think about it, that pretty sums up any conversation. So I guess what you can come away with is, all conversations are life ending.
There once was a happy girl, she met something new, called conversation…
And she (guess!) DIED.
Also in Once upon a time, there was a you, you read a blog post written from some crazy person named Julia.
And you DIED.
Who here has watched the Croods?!!!!!!!!!!! It's a great family movie! )
*Pictures from Pinterest*
A daughter of the KING, an ambassador of Truth, a soldier of the Cross.